The Beginning

This is the first entry in what I hope will become my outlet. So much to say. The best time to write is in the morning--early, before the world awakens. I don't know who I am talking to. I don't know who will read this, or when. This if for me. Sonny is gone now. We knew the day was coming, but it still seemed farther off. Now we are free to move forward with whatever life we have remaining. That is the ultimate mystery. It's hard not to worry about those we love on a daily basis. So much pain and sickness and death all around us. The cash situation is tight right now. Spent a lot in December, which gave me much joy. Now I need to catch up. Hopefully the side hustle will pick up in January. The next weeks and months will be challenging. Need to get the condo cleaned up and ready for sale. The old pickup and a generator are at the top of the list if we are going to make it through the winter. Having the kids here for their short visit was bittersweet. Having them here this weekend was the perfect way to say goodbye to Christmas & 2021. I started talking to Dad again in 2021. Don't know where it will go from here, but we should try to mend our relationship for whatever time we have left. Mom's sistuation is fluid at the moment. I sense life will look very different for her a year from today. Little did I know back on my birthday as we were boating around Saugatuck what life would be like today. I sensed a change was coming, but the speed of so many major changes right after I turned 60 is stunning: Leaving Ritsema, starting at C1, Sonny's passing and of course, initiating the move to Irons--all in the second half of the year. I can't deny that these changes have affected me at a very deep level. I'm different. I don't look at life the same way I did a year ago.